The cast of Harry Potter trying to speak "American"

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Review of Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows - Part 1

The movie is great, meet the expectations of millions of fans, makes us anxious at the end.. We want more! But... I guess the main problem in this movie is that Harry Potter hasn't really watched any horror movie - you know, it's all creepy and sinister and then you decide to get away from your group to explore your surroundings??? Yeah right, do you know anyone who would be wandering around by themselves apart from Harry? Why does Harry always decide to show his courage and put himself and his friends at risk? He's lucky that the movie came from a children's book - it's unlikely he's going to be slaughtered like in many horror flicks... He just makes me jump on the cinema seat asking myself: why is he so dumb??? Who would have done that???

A spoiler, don't read if you haven't watched the movie! Ok, you curious beast, read on:
Harry, in one of his "courage" attacks, decides to go back to where he was born and then he found the cemetery where his parents are buried and coincidentally, it's literally beside the house where his parents were murdered. Mind you, the house is in pieces. Does anyone know how the Real Estate profit in the UK? It would NEVER happen, an abandoned house, torn in half, for at least 15 years! While he is watching over his old house, he sees a grumpy old lady. Until now, Harry and his friends have done all sorts of magic to keep a low key, and at this very moment they decide to follow the old rag... Even always-right-Hermione, who said Harry's birthplace would be one of the first places Lord Voldemort would look for him. Anyway, they follow the lady into her house. And without one single word, she leads Harry to the top floor! Again, hellowww!!! Don't they have horror movies in Hogwarts??? Of course something was coming up!!! And then the oldie becomes Voldemort! Wow, who would have guessed? By the way,  J. K. Rowling ran out of ideas for potions and magic, and she invested all her resources on the Polyjuice potion, many times throughout the plot.

Then ok, another scene: Harry was brought to Voldemort's headquarters, and because he's disfigured, no one knows for sure if it's him. They create a debate asking Draco if he could recognise him, and keep going on with it... My God, what a bureaucracy, just call the boss! Voldemort's main wish is to kill Harry, he's there at his place and people do not call him straight away, after all those flyers of Harry "WANTED"? Yeah right...

Before we finish it off, what about that part where Dobby dies and Harry decides to bury him? And "without magic", just to show the hard human work - just one question, my dear wizard: where did you get the shovel to dig the grave? Don't tell me it's another item from the black hole inside Hermione's bag...

Another thing I'd like to highlight, on a more serious note, was the subtle reference to nazism. The mudbloods and the purebloods, killings and the overall reference to this issue in the movie really reminded me of nazism and its irrational segregation of 'pure blood' and killings based on that. So this time, Art imitates Life...

And a thumbs up for J. K. Rowling: I really liked the tale about the 3 brothers and the Deathly Hollows - beautifully pictured in the movie too. Well done! But next time, give Harry 1,42% of Hermione's brain, he'd be less of a loser as the protagonist.  And bring on Part 2!

Google, I don't speak German!

Could someone tell Google that I DO NOT SPEAK GERMAN? Because I keep telling them, putting the correct language settings everywhere, and it insists on changing everything to bloody Deutsch, every week...

Dear Google,


Although I do live in Germany, I cannot understand this country's language yet, so would you bear with me? You know, at this time in our society, there are people travelling to other countries and living in places where they do not speak the local language, and these weird people (like me) are growing in numbers! Please cater for them and let them choose their frigging language, or I'll sue you for harassment... You NAZI!


Schoene Gruesse,


Your pissed off user

Is Farmville perverted or is it my mind?

One of the best things of being anonymous is that you can say anything you want and you can be politically incorrect... Like... Right now.

Taking an innocent Farmville graphic, I can't help drawing dirty correlations... Doesn't it look as if this girl is masturbating this "happy" cow? Isn't it a mix of zoophilia and homosexual behaviour? 

You animal protectors, leave this as it is: the cow couldn't be any happier!

Draw your own conclusions:

 

Dilbert and the source of my health problems

I finally found why I'm having so many health problems - it's John Smith's fault! Read about my boss, "John Smith" here.

Why my boss treats me like a virus

My boss, Agent Smith, justifying why he treats humans (yes, he is not human by all means!) like viruses, and I get the spotlight of this special treatment:

"I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you humans are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet."

My boss is Agent Smith in disguise

There was probably some subconscious reason why I nicknamed my boss "John Smith" in a previous post... One reason is: there are so many bad bosses around, and so many John Smiths too, the chances for you to have a shit boss named John Smith are quite high!

The second reason: Matrix! My boss is actually a copy of AGENT SMITH! No matter how and what I try to do, he's always one step ahead to fuck me up... And Matrix just gives me the hope I'll just be able to knock him down eventually... Should I rename my own nickname to "Wannabe Neo"?

Review of the movie Titanic

Yeah, my personal review about that old film with the sinking ship and the love birds. No, I'm not going through too many details, but I'll just highlight one main thing: ROSE DEWITT BUKATER IS THE REAL VILLAIN in that movie. She killed at least 3 of the passengers of Titanic on that cold night it sank... Before moving on, I need to alert those readers who were living somewhere on Mars for the last 13 years and did NOT watch Titanic: there will be spoilers from this point on.

Let's review the unquestionable facts:
1. Do you remember that Rose jumped off the rescue boat to be with Jack? You probably also remember that the priority for these boats was for children and women, as they didn't have enough space to save everyone. And I hope you also remember the shocking scene of the frozen mom holding her baby in the icy water, both frozen to death... So, had Rose decided not to go on the rescue boat and then change her mind, that poor lady with her baby could and would definitely be saved from turning into floating ice cubes. Rose was responsible for 2 DEATHS because she was a selfish bitch.

2. Hey, what about that wooden piece she used to keep herself out of the cold water? Yes, it was found by Jack... Can someone tell him it's not time to be a gentleman, especially with a gal he just met and shagged 24 hours before this life or death situation? And couldn't the chubby bitch move a bit to the side so poor Jack could have avoided dying of hypothermia? What about switching places? Even Emperor Penguins do this to keep alive, they alternate who gets exposed to the cold wind, and organise a rotation system, so everyone is in the cold for a bit, but everyone gets to live... Rose "TheBitch" Bukater is responsible for ANOTHER DEATH, as Jack would have certainly survived had this girl been elsewhere.


So, why do we hate Cal, the fiance, who was the one cheated on by Le Bitch? And remember, he still tried to save her! What a noble gesture towards a woman who should be stoned for adultery...  After all this, she holds that fat diamond and throws it in the ocean. YES, SHE THROWS IT IN THE OCEAN! That diamond could have aided the famine of hundreds of starving African countries... And she feeds it to the fish! If you count these thousands of deaths that could have been avoided, Kate is in fact a MASS MURDERER!

FUCK YOU, KATE!

Why is my boss such an asshole? Ok, just doublechecking, my identity is hidden, I can carry on... Let's call him "John Smith"...

My recent email to John Smith, my manager, aka Satan on Earth:

- So John, what do you prefer me to do, x or y?

After 2 days, John replies:

-Exactly.

What the fuck? You know, I learned that CHILDREN up to the age of 2 years old reply "yes" to a question with 2 options, as they cannot choose yet. John is (physically) above 2 years old, so, with the developed brain of a 1 year old child, how on Earth could he be holding the position he is now, earning at least double of my salary??? 

Hang on.. In this case... Who is the wrong one? Me or him? Hmmmm... My answer to this is:

- EXACTLY!

Seriously, I'm becoming a hypochondriac by force... I have to pay a visit to the doctor every effing day, be it because of my teeth, or my sugar level, now my recent pneumonia, asthma...Is it a punishment for not wanting to work in the medical field? Then I'm forced to be surrounded by it anyway?

Should I switch this blog to be a report about waiting rooms and medicines' side effects?

My latest favourite book:

I went back to the dentist for a cleaning. During the painful process, the hygienist suggested that I should listen to some music while she was on her mission to hurt me with her cleaning... Which CD did I choose? "Erotic Lounge"!!! See my post about it here.

German marketing going wrong:

I wore my dirndl today - for the first time, my first dirndl. It's like this one below, just some numbers bigger (also, some more "filling" in it):

An arschloch made a hole on my apron with a bloody cigarette, while another one spilt beer. I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I have to put up with the consequences of these vices....

I had to go to the dentist and of course it was a nightmare. With my previous painful experiences with these sadist professionals, I was reluctant about visiting another one. Especially if I'm in Germany and can't speak a word of German. German dentist! Somehow it sounds creepier than just "dentist".
Then I went to this dentist, following a recommendation of a work colleague (I couldn't help but wonder: maybe she hates me and sent me to the worst dentist in town?). My vivid imagination wasn't really helping, I could imagine all sorts of things going wrong... I was greeted in German by the secretary, I replied in English, she replied in German again. We couldn't understand each other, but it was the least of my problems... I entered the consultation room and was left there to wait. I was scanning everything in that room - Harvard certificate on the wall (not bad...), clean and spacious work space, the dreadful drilling device beside me - the memory of that noise creeps the shit out of me. Then I saw a music player device next to the "torture" chair. I went to look at the CDs to see what musical taste this dentist would have - when I saw this:

My vivid imagination came back: what if he wasn't a sadist but a PERVERT instead? The type who would give you anaesthetics and put you to sleep and do all these sick things while you were blacked out? Why would a professional dentist have an "erotic lounge" CD at his consultation room? What a horrible impression even before meeting the poor soul!

Ok, I don't need to tell you all about my periodontal issues that I need to follow up - yeah, I wouldn't want to read about it either. But I must tell you how wrong I was: he was a great dentist, and spoke great English! Surely I was uncomfortable when he suggested a general anaesthesia that would put me to sleep while I had my wisdom teeth removed - I remembered the "erotic lounge" and my graphical imagination - no, thanks! "I like being awake and aware of everything that's happening" was my answer.

So to all dentists around - don't bring your erotic lounge CDs or any other CD of its kind - you might have a fucked up imaginative patient like me, who would be posting something on their blog suggesting you could be a pervert, when you're actually the best dentist in town.

Is it the 200th or 177th Oktoberfest in 2010?


I was puzzled with this question... I read everywhere it's the 200th anniversary of this big beer fest, but even on their official website they mentioned it's their 177th Oktoberfest. I played detective and found out that:


"Although this year is actually the 177th Oktoberfest because the outdoor festival has been canceled 24 times because of war and cholera epidemics, festival organizers are celebrating the anniversary, with special events, including staging horse races at a nearby arena for the first time since 1938."


Thanks to Seth Robbins from Stars and Stripes everything is clear now: it's the 177th Oktoberfest in absolute number of fests and also the 200th anniversary of the first Wiesn (=Oktoberfest).

Preparation for the Oktoberfest - went shopping for my first dirndl.. First what?? FIRST DIRNDL! D-I-R-N-D-L! Have you ever seen 4 consonants together? Me neither... Now, try to pronounce it, without using any vowels... That's ok, I nearly broke my tongue too - well, tongues can't break, stupid me!

Back to the dirndl: it's a girl's farmer dress. That's it. Oh no, that's not it, it's also the official dress code for the Oktoberfest (for women, although I've seen men wearing it too - picture below).

So it's all about pimping a farmer's look, and making it look luxurious. Hard? Not really, I've been wondering around the streets of Munich and found many dirndls (5th consonant - ahhhh my toooongue!) for the modest sum of €1,800. Ok, I'll give you some time to process this: ONE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED EUROS! Or if you prefer, EIGHTEEN HUNDRED EUROS! Yes, for a farmer's dress. Breath in. Breath out. Again.

Ok, better now? Well, I'll be proudly featuring my C&A dirndl with my head high, and with my pocket less "raped": it cost €129, it's my first dirndl and it's beautiful, despite all the weird faces of my work colleagues when I said:

- I bought my first dirndl, it's beautiful!
-Oh really, where did you buy?
-C&A.
(longest 3 seconds followed by a indescribable face: mixed of disappointment and attempt to hide it, to also hide their own prejudice against this brand). Then they try to fill in the gap with other questions:
- Oh, which colour? (Why? We're not going to wear the same dirndls, you obviously don't shop at C&A!)
- What's the style? (WTF? Isn't a dirndl already a style within its own concept? Hmmm Latex style, Dominatrix style? You're messing up more, mate...)

Yes, I'll be happily partying with my C&A dirndl! And yes, IT IS NICE AND BEAUTIFUL. And I'll rock at the Oktoberfest this year!

Back from the dead! Oh Yeah!

No breaking the ice anymore, let's skip this part. Because it's party time where I am: Munich! I'm at the heart of alcoholism and Oktoberfest! Perhaps I am the only one who doesn't drink inside those drinking tents, but I have even more fun watching everyone else getting pissed!

It's gonna be the 200th birthday of this 2nd biggest worldwide party (1st is Carnival, of course) and the city goes from 1,3 Million inhabitants to something crazy like 6 Million! Alcoholism rules!